Chicago-based master coach, M. Nora Klaver explains in the preface of her new book Mayday! Asking for Help in Times of Need, that the word mayday, “Comes from the French m´aidez and literally translates to ‘help me.’” Have you reached the point of crying “mayday” in your personal or professional life?

Even project management training teaches that seeking assistance at the proper time can mitigate risks and prevent an obstacle from becoming a disaster. In other words, “A stitch in time saves nine.”

Is asking for help your last resort? Klaver says that you’re not alone and points out a list of reasons why people delay asking for needed help until they’re almost at the breaking point:

• Most people don’t realize that they actually need help until it is too late.
• People don’t ask for help based on the whole picture, but only a part of the need.
• People often ask the wrong person.
• People often ask questions that are so unclear that others don’t understand the need.
• People give the wrong answers to our questions or provide the wrong help.
• People may demand help rather than politely ask for assistance.
• People may even try to blackmail others into helping them.
• People may unintentionally be asking for pity rather than actual help.
• People’s body language may project fear and send a message that they are beyond help.
• People suffer from “compassion fatigue” when asked for help too often without consideration of those offering help.
• People often are simply too afraid to ask for help when it is needed.

The good news is that asking for help is a skill that can be learned, and quite easily. By analyzing some common misconceptions involved in asking for help we can all learn to get the support we need:

Misconception #1: If I ask for help, others will think I’m needy or weak.
Actually, people who ask others for help when it is needed are seen as stronger. Don’t feel ashamed to ask others for help – that’s what coworkers, friends and family are there for.

Misconception #2: If I ask for help, my coworkers and supervisors at work will think I’m incompetent.
Seeking help at work actually shows others that you care about doing the job right, learning new concepts, developing your skills, and grow as an employee.

Misconception #3: I’m worried that if I ask for help, my personal relationships will be strained.
A healthy relationship, whether personal or professional, is about give and take – helping others and getting help when it is needed.

Misconception #4: If I ask for help, I may put others in an awkward position.
Actually, part of what makes us human is our nature to offer help to someone in need; the same holds true for when others recognize our need for help.

Misconception #5: If I ask for help, someone may say “no.”
Instead of feeling rejected by a “no” answer, use that as an opportunity to learn something about yourself, and your relationships with others.

Misconception #6: If I ask for help with a project, it may not be done right.
Actually, refusing to ask for help out of a fear of losing control over a project may jeopardize that project by maintaining the status quo. Allow others to help make the project more successful.

Misconception #7: If I ask for help, someone may ask me for help in return.
In reality, help that is given freely and willingly requires nothing in return but a sincere thank you.

Misconception #8: Asking for help just isn’t my style.
While being independent and self-sufficient are admirable qualities that show success, all great ventures – including the forming of our nation – were built on a foundation of collaboration, teamwork, and support.

Asking for Help Made Simple

Klaver identifies seven steps in making sure your mayday cries for help are projecting strength and are clearly heard:

1. Identify the need. Take a few steps back (and some time) to really think about exactly what you need. Ask yourself a few probing questions and don’t let your first guesses for resolving the situation dominate your mindset.

2. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Unless you truly believe you deserve the help you need, you will never be freely able to ask for it.

3. Take a leap of faith. You must be able to feel confident enough in yourself to trust that your fellow man will come through in your need for help. As will all of these leaps, the more you ask, the more willing you become to ask.

4. Go out and ask for help! Work to expand your help network by asking new and different people for help when you need it – adding even those who may say no.

5. Be grateful for the help you receive. Thanking those that have helped you is an important part of the process. Not only does it show your helpers that you truly value their time and effort, but practicing this allows you to remain open and gracious to those who aren’t as helpful.

6. Absorb the advice given. Learn to listen differently. Don’t simply hear the words spoken, but pay attention to the body language and underlying emotional messages embedded in the response to your need.

7. Express your gratitude. Whether or not you get the help you need, follow the “three thanks” rule by thanking others when the help is asked for, after the help has been given, and the next time you see the helper.

Even those that are most resistant to seeking help, Klaver offers some final words of encouragement, “Like any skill, practice is required. The more often you ask, the more comfortable you will become. With time, miscommunications will be reduced, anxiety will lessen, and your words will become more eloquent.”